


you can't see (i'm the villain)

by cyparissus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mind Control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 05:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyparissus/pseuds/cyparissus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not Cas, not really, not <i>ever</i>.</p>
<p>Set during 7x02 "Hello Cruel World"</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can't see (i'm the villain)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for lots of angst, mind control and major character death.
> 
> Birthday gift for my friend [Lauren](http://thetigerinspace.tumblr.com), who asked for Destiel, Leviathan!Cas and angst. Title from "Human" by Oh Land.

“Cas is—“ he shrugs, smiling in a way Cas never has and Dean’s blood turns to ice, “He’s gone. _Dead_. We run the show now.” Dean just feels numb with shock for the few seconds before Cas strikes, sending him flying into the wall, and the pain is much easier to focus on.

Dean manages to leverage himself up just in time to see Bobby sailing into the opposite wall. When he falls, he doesn’t move, and fear clamors up Dean’s throat as he looks up to see Cas—it’s not Cas, not really, not _ever_ —turning back towards him.

“Oh, this is going to be _so_ much fun,” Not-Cas says, grinning like a maniac while black veins appear on his neck and trace their way up, looking at Dean like he’s starving and Dean is a double cheeseburger. The pain lancing through his back and ribs is something to concentrate on but there’s another pain spreading through Dean’s chest, very different from the sharp pain of cracked ribs but just as familiar: loss. He wishes, momentarily, that Cas _had_ been dead a few minutes ago—that would have been better than this, this monster killing Cas and wearing his body like a prize. Not-Cas— _Leviathan_ —tilts his head and moves closer to Dean, and Dean looks over at where Bobby is lying motionless.

“Bobby?” he says, but Bobby doesn’t stir, and the Leviathan is stepping closer, looking at Dean like he’s a particularly interesting bug that would make a really satisfying crunch underneath his shoe. Dean struggles to stand but his back protests, and he watches in horror as the Leviathan moves up to him. Black veins are appearing and fading over the Leviathan’s neck and cheeks, pulsing like sickening black waves rolling through Cas’ blood.

“Dean Winchester,” the Leviathan says, and then reaches down and grabs Dean by the neck and hauls him one-handed a few feet over to slam him against the wall. Dean gasps and sputters for air, and then sees stars when his head whacks back against the tile. He scrabbles at the hand around his neck, helpless to do anything but stare down at this monster wearing Cas’ face as he slowly chokes to death. He is momentarily furious that _this_ is how he’s going to die, after everything, and desperately hopes that there _isn’t_ any tiny piece of Cas left in there, so that he won’t have to see this.

Just as his vision starts to go dark the Leviathan drops him unceremoniously, and Dean’s sure he would have ended up on the floor but the Leviathan catches him, his elbow pressed into Dean’s shoulder and his forearm against Dean’s throat, not constricting, but the warning is clear. Dean gasps in air and wheezes and coughs, his neck burning and Dean is not excited about waking up tomorrow and discovering the extent of his bruises.

“What makes you so special, I wonder?” The Leviathan asks with that smile that looks so unnerving on Cas’ face. Dean remembers lamenting about the lack of emotion Cas showed and wishing he would smile more, but now that smile just chills Dean to the bone because it’s nothing like Cas. Dean’s never going to complain about Cas’ brick wall impression ever again, assuming there’s anyone left to complain about.

“You’re just a human, just as fragile as the rest,” The Leviathan says, reaching up to grab Dean by the chin and turn his head back and forth. Dean seethes, tensing against the grip, trying to wrench away but this monster has Cas’ strength, if not his mind.

“Fuck you,” Dean spits, but the Leviathan just grins and shakes his head, like he’s amused.

“You should see the way he looks at you. The way he _sees_ you,” he says, and then laughs, like it’s the funniest joke he’s heard in a long time. Dean stills and then stiffens in the Leviathan’s grip, because _no_. The last thing he needs to hear right now is a re-hash of how Cas thought he was some kind of hero, and he let him down, _again_.

“It’s ridiculous, really. You're no different from the rest of the little cockroaches, but he thinks you're _special_. He's died for you, several times over, and he'd do it again in a heartbeat. Such _devotion_." Dean jerks against the Leviathan's grip, more out of surprise than an escape attempt. The Leviathan pushes Dean harder back up against the wall, his forearm pressing into Dean's trachea, constricting just enough to make Dean's breathing shallow. Dean looks down into the Leviathan's face and all he can see is _Cas_ , and this is very likely the last time he will ever see Cas and it's all wrong.

Then there's this moment--not even a moment, just a flash in the Leviathan's eyes, but for a fraction of a second the blue is lighter, brighter, familiar, and Dean _knows_.

" _Cas_ ," he chokes out, dangerously close to a sob, because Cas is in there somewhere, struggling for control of his body against what could be hundreds of monsters. The Leviathan's arm jerks a little, an aborted movement, and for the first time since Cas surrendered control the Leviathan looks displeased.

" _Pathetic_ little angel," the Leviathan spits, then shoves Dean back harder, grinning again, but this time it's feral and furious, "He's trying _so hard_ , because he doesn't want me to say what I'm going to say next," Leviathan tilts his head, considering Dean for a brief moment, "But I think you already know what that is."

Dean can't breathe, and it's not just because of the arm pressed over his throat, it's because he thinks he _does_ know, and that's the most terrifying part of all of this. Dean shakes his head, because if there's one thing he's good at it's _denial_ , and if this was ever going to come out it wasn't going to be like this. Dean doesn't want it to happen now, like this, would give anything for another chance.

"He doesn't just want to spend all his moments by your side, he wouldn't just do anything to keep you safe, he doesn't just love you, he's _in love_ with you. And there isn't anything he can do about it." The Leviathan smiles, all teeth, but Dean barely notices it over the blood roaring in his ears. This is exactly what Dean was afraid of hearing, but expecting it doesn't make it hurt any less, because there isn't anything _Dean_ can do about it, either.

Dean can't breathe and there's a vice clamped around his chest, it feels like the words _he's in love with you_ have been shoved down his throat and have settled, huge and barbed, in the pit of his stomach. Fear and denial come to the tip of Dean's tongue, but then fall away because it's different here. Whatever Dean's issues are, here they are irrelevant, here they have no purpose because Cas is stuck inside a monster and there's _nothing_ Dean can do.

"Cas," Dean chokes out again, because it's the only word that he knows in that moment, because even now Dean can't get the words that matter out. He closes his eyes tightly, can't stand to look at that Not-Cas for another moment, tilts his head back into the tiled wall and goes boneless. He needs this one moment to himself.

Then Leviathan jerks against Dean, not grabbing Dean or trying to hurt him and Dean's eyes fly open. There's something strange happening in Cas' face, the unnerving smile is gone and replaced with a curiously blank expression. As Dean watches something dark drips down Cas' temple. At first Dean thinks it's blood but when he looks closer he realizes it's black, not red. His gaze flickers between the black liquid and Cas' eyes, dark and almost lifeless, and he knows Cas is in there _somewhere_.

Cas slumps forward against Dean, all his strength leaving his arms and Dean barely has the presence of mind to catch him.

"Cas," Dean says again, clinging to the name like a lifeline, "Cas, I know you're in there. I know you can hear me and I know-- I know--" Dean's throat closes up around the words and he holds Cas closer to him, turning his face down into Cas' neck, distantly aware of the black liquid dripping down Cas' face and smearing onto Dean's cheeks.

"Cas, please," Dean says, his voice low and wrecked and tucked against Cas' skin, "You can't-- You can't go, okay? You just _can't_." Dean feels the lump in his throat and the prickle in the corner of his eyes that means he's going to cry and he just _doesn't care_.

"I need you," he says, a hoarse whisper made wobbly by the onset of tears. Cas jerks in his grasp and then a moment later Dean feels a hand on his arm, but he's too afraid to pull back and open his eyes.

"Dean," says his voice, _Cas'_ voice, and it's the right voice and Dean jerks back to stare wide-eyed down at Cas. There's more of the not-blood on his face, dripping over his eyes and down his neck, and the hope that just unfurled in Dean's chest crashes and burns as Dean realizes there's no way Cas is walking away from this unscathed. Cas grabs both of Dean's arms and uses him to steady himself, swaying dangerously on his feet and Dean's hands fall to Cas' waist to hold him steady.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas says, blinking through the black liquid dripping down his face. He looks exhausted and so _sad_ , and Dean _hates_ it.

"Cas," he says, shifting in closer and closing his eyes as his forehead presses against Cas'. He wants to say something else but no matter what he says it'll just sound like _goodbye_ and he _can't_. Cas' slick fingers slide over Dean's cheek and he opens his eyes, sees those blue eyes looking back, and it's easy to lean in. It's easy like Dean never thought it would be because as much as Dean doesn't want to say goodbye, he doesn't want to regret not having this even more.

It's little more than the press of lips, both of them too exhausted to make it more of a kiss, but that part doesn't matter as much as what it means. Cas jerks back after a moment and groans, and Dean knows that has nothing to do with the kiss.

"I can't-- I can't hold them back. My vessel was already weakened and I can't-- I'm--" Cas' hands are clutching hard at Dean and Dean clutches him right back, because he can't save Cas, not from this, but he can remind him that he's not alone. That he matters.

"Cas, don't, it's okay," Dean says, and Cas looks up at him, eyebrows pulled together in what could be disbelief or pain.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas repeats, and Dean recognizes a spark of determination in his eyes, "I wish this wasn't how it ends. But Dean--" Cas' hand goes back to Dean's cheek, making sure Dean's focus is on him, "Don't blame yourself for this. Please." Cas looks so fierce and determined, and Dean can only nod dumbly. Cas sags in relief. "Good. You're a good man, Dean," Cas pauses, seems to hesitate, his palm still against Dean's jaw, "My good man." Dean makes a sound somewhere between a sob and a whimper, covering Cas' hand with his own, pressing Cas' fingers to his face and never wanting to forget how this feels.

They stay like that for a moment, one quiet moment, and then Cas jerks against him and groans again.

"I can't-- I need to get out of here," Cas says, his voice strained and the black not-blood seems like it's everywhere. Dean doesn't need to be told twice; he slings Cas' arm over his shoulders and guides him out of the room, past the still-unconscious Bobby lying on the floor.

They don't speak on the way out of the building, and Dean thinks maybe Cas can't anymore, because the only thing he can hear is Cas' increasingly raspy breathing. When they make it outside Cas pushes away from Dean, walking stiffly over to a nearby gate and tearing off the lock and chain like it's crepe paper. Dean stumbles after him, watching numbly as Cas walks right up to the water and doesn't stop, wading in until the water's up to his waist, his chest.

"Cas? Cas!" Dean calls out to him when his brain finally catches up, but Cas doesn't stop or turn, just keeps wading until Dean can't see him anymore. Dean holds his breath, his heart in his throat, waiting for something to happen.

There's a deep, muffled sound from the depth of the water and then a whirlpool forms rapidly, and Dean stares in shock. He can't exactly comprehend what he's watching, what it means when a huge black shape forms under the water and then snakes off in all directions, and then it's quiet. It feels kind of anticlimactic, the way the whole thing is done in a matter of seconds, but it doesn't hit Dean until he sees a familiar trench coat in the water by the shore.

He plucks it out of the water, folding it into his arms, not caring that water sloshes down his front. He falls to his knees and clutches the coat close to his chest, pressing his face into it and imagines he can still smell Cas under the smell of lake water.

He'll have to get up soon, tend to Bobby and find Sam, try desperately to put the pieces of his life back together when nothing makes sense anymore. Dean should be used to losing the people he loves by now, but just because it's a familiar feeling doesn't make it hurt any less. There's nothing Dean can do.

Cas is gone.


End file.
